life is kinda like a snowglobe... everything is fine and at peace inside of one... until some friggin' shmuck comes along and shakes it all up! ...but in the end, everything turns out to be even more beautiful than before...

[ local (in)sanities ]

[ distant (in)sanities ]

[ me stuff ]

  • name - alana
  • age - phys 20, mental 18
  • location - midcoast california
  • origin - pinay, hawaiian, ssspanish!
  • life - hiatus
  • love - val
  • free time - mediocre webpages, dj in training, glowstick/stringing, irc &/or aim chat

[ current obsessions ]

  • anime - chikyuu shoujo arujuna, flcl, inu yasha
  • manga - love hina, buttload of online comics n.n;
  • j-music - the pillows
  • trance - sleepwalker // face to face
  • tv - survivor, weakest link (the host is such bitch. i love it. "do i have to beg you to take the money?!")
  • book - sophie's world, (want) the solitaire mystery, (want) harry potter - year 5+

[ sites ]

[ contact ]

  • aim - MitsuneK // dj mpu
  • icq - 70973246
  • efnet - Ninamori (always subject to change)

[ layout ]

  • current - fallen angel // takeshi kaneshiro from hk movie fallen angels
  • version 1 - pure snow // narusegawa naru & otohime mutsumi from anime/manga love hina

[ archive ]

this snowflake fell tuesday 05012001 03:41am...
...and is about my productive day and stuff

so today i was actually fairly productive and applied to 3 possible jobs, returned my text book and renewed/replaced my license. i was -so- happy they didn't make me retake the written test. i was like sitting in my car for a ˝hr studying the stupid handbook in the sun. @.@ geh...oh well, i was just hoping i didn't have enough blemishes on my record, and i didn't. w00t! need to get out again tomorrow. mom picked up like 5 different applications from around watsonville, might as well turn them in. i dunno... i kinda wanted to stay around the north monterey bay but i guess at this point i can't be picky. a~rgh...

oh yeah...i forgot slore-ism #4 - books
yes, i am capable of, and do read stuff other than my computer screen. it was fun reading the harry potter books but...i went through them so fast. x.x i was kinda hoping for something else to come along, and finally it did when i was working my temp job. a fellow temp worker was reading two jostein gaarder books, sophie's world and the solitaire mystery. i was really hoping to get solitaire mystery first but none of the bookstores here had it so i settled for sophie's world. it was competeing with bridget jones, but i hadn't seen the movie at that time. ;.; if only... well, that and sophie was $8, while bridget was $13 n.n; yes, i'm asian/pacific islander and i'm cheap. :P now, sophie is very interersting, and i find it's way of describing the history of philosophy to be very different from any other way i've been introduced to philosophy but...it's just not grabbing me. i dunno, maybe it's just not the time for such a book but i rarely pick it up these days. if anything, since solitaire mystery isn't available, i want to switch it with survivor. no, not the tv series book, the book written by the same author of fight club, one of my favorite twisted movies of all time. basically, this guy hijacks a plane, tells everyone to get off, including the pilot, and is just flying until the fuel runs out on autopilot. yes, he's out to kill himself but before he dies, he retells his life story on the black box of the plane. i was reading it for about a ˝hr before going to see josie and the pussycats, and was pretty engrossed. it's pretty much as fucked as fight club, and definately has similarities. well, to the movie that is. i have yet to read the book of fight club. maybe i will. argh, i wish they weren't $13 though. it's pathetic but no, i can't afford that right now. i guess i could try to sell more of my cds but i think i've given streetlight all i can. n.n; ah well, but yes, the point is, i know have a rekindled bookworm and it has it's sights set on survivor. >.< i shouldn't have picked it up.

let's see...there was something else... oh yeah, more stuff i watched. gone in 60 seconds. truly, the best thing about the movie is the cars and seeing the work that goes into 'boosting' them. a~h fu~ck i want an 'eleanor' of my own. *.* that thing looked so fuckin' sweet. it's not the GT500 which i usually drool at but still. *.* i would not mind. i have to say though...a cadillac suv? eww~...what a waste. sorry, i grew up with a big ass bronco, and my dad would take that sucker off road anytime my mom would let him. even when we (my brother and me) were in the car. @.@ i think i get my lack of motion sickness from that. n.n;; i still have to watch bounce though... a~h snatch on dvd soo~n. that movie was great! XD saw more inu yasha and ebichu as well. ebichu 5/6 was surprisingly a lot cleaner than the previous 4. and these are the dvd versions. o.o i think the most ecchi thing was...when ebichu was saying 'let me in, let me in' and the form she was using could also be used in bed. n.n; *shrug* rather tame. inu yasha got pretty good though. episodes 21/22 are actually one big special episode split into ˝hr movies to cut down d/l time (huzzah!). i don't want to spoil it for those that haven't seen it though so i'll just 'awwww~' in private. n.n; i want my own hanyou now. o.o inu yasha is such a punk, but he does have his good side. n.n no, i'm not talking about 'doggy-style'. XD

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this snowflake fell sunday 04292001 02:16am...
...and is about various slore-isms, mainly muck

slore-ism #1 - yuuhi
you are such my slore! XD don't worry, i'll keep suggesting more spiffy trance to you. try to make it to metropolis or ax, since i might spin there. n.n *h-glomps* yuuhi will h0 himself for armin van buuren ladies and gents. n.-

slore-ism #2 - mucks
as if it wasn't bad enough that i dedicate a good amount of time to mIRC, AIM or various webpages, i had to get back into my old habit of mucking again. x.x provided, i feel it's a little bit more fun than muding but still. yeah yeah, i'm a role playing loser. bite me. :P it's fun running around as a character you like and know. i've had Misao from Rurouni Kenshin on another muck i frequent for a while too, but soon, plot ideas started dying out, so the muck died out too. there's a couple of new people though, and they seem very willing to rp, even if they are (i think) original characters from a series i don't know -that- well. but in light of my recent anime addiction, i chose Kagome from Inu-Yasha. i was kind of surprised to see the character was available but then i remembered how much they kept tabs on when people logged in. if you're not in by 30 days, @toad'd. x.x i think that's what happened to my Ed/Bebop character. ah well. for the time being, i guess it's something to do when other chats slow down or i just want to be in a different world as a different person. something like that. n.n;

slore-ism #3 - josie and the pussycats
fuck you, i like the movie. =P n.n yeah yeah, so it's not the english patient but you know what, not a great deal of the movies that come out these days are. if you've noticed, they've all been kinda brainless and just fun. spy kids, town and country, night at mccool's. hell, that's why i liked charlie's angels. it was fun! it was grrls kicking ass matrix/hk-style! same thing with josie but w/o the kicking ass matrix/hk-style. it's a really simple, overused plot, parodied to hell then back. oh, and the soundtrack is awesome. i'm such a slore that i got mp3s from napster to hold out til i get the cd. n.n; oh, and i can't forget to mention that rachael leigh cook looks adorably hot through out the entire movie. H.H i only wish i could've seen it with someone else. my parents never trust my choice in movies because i either pick something weird, artsy or fucked up for them. *sigh* to quote the fresh prince "parents just don't understand." best quote of movie: "i'm a trend pimp!"

and with all of that out of the way, the most weird, fucked up link of the day.

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this snowflake fell monday 04232001 12:55am...
...and is about dreams

you know how some people walk, talk or just act out certain things they dream or whatever when they sleep? well, i've known myself to talk and act out some stuff from time to time. i can't think of an example of talking right now but for acting out, one time, i sat up in reality as i was in my dream and ended up smacking my head into the shelf my monitor was on. yeah ha ha, but it was just enough to stun, not seriously damage. n.n; i definately move around in my sleep because i remember laying on my back the night before, when i wake up, i'm on my stomach and the sheets are twisted a couple of times around. it's a wonder how i don't kill or clobber anyone when they sleep in the same bed as me. although there was that one time i accidentally elbowed michi in the back. sowwy oneesama. n.n;; anyhow, i consider stuff like that to be fairly normal. what freaks me out though, is one time when i was a kid, i was dreaming i was drowning, and in reality, i wasn't breathing of my own accord. i woke up gasping for air. recently i had dream that i was working in a grocery store and it was being held up. at first, i tried to talk to the robbers and they said they were going to take the money, so i backed off. this would've been fine and dandy except one of the customers was a gangster of some sort and didn't like these 2 (yeah there were 2 robbers) 'busting in on their turf'. guess who got to be the hostage? x.x so they exchange some words, and the robbers (for some reason i was familiar with them) didn't want me to get hurt, so the gangster asks them something along the lines of pick a number between 1-10. they pick a number and at first it seems like i'm off...and then he shoots me in the side. i fall to the ground bleeding. the weird thing is, i physically feel this. or at least i physically felt some sort of pain in my side and it stayed for a bit even after i woke up. i dunno...i just think it's kinda different from waving your arms because you're dreaming you're in a pool, y'know? i wish i could remember my dreams better sometimes... maybe i should start writing them down right away after i wake up. as for interpretting the dream itself... i think it's just kinda a mental recap of stuff that's happened in the past week or so. i've done a couple things were decisions i made seemed okay at first, but in reality, i ended up shooting myself. *sigh* maa nantoka naru yo.

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this snowflake fell saturday 04212001 11:53pm...
...and is about diaries and some other stuff

start with the random stuff first... i had just seen the 3rd installment of the stick figure fighting saga, and was immediately trouble because i had skipped one in between. fortunately, kouripon had the link to the second part so i was once again filled with joy. n.n

part one of diaries, is the movie bridget jones diary. i -really- enjoyed this movie. it really reminded me of the tv sitcom caroline in the city. it has the middle aged, single woman who is just dying to meet the man of her life before it ends in tragedy, and also has the dull, sarcastic, uptight man who seems only concerned with the world around him. very witty dialog and interaction with the characters. i was surprised to see renee pull off the accent so well too. not -too- much on the way of supporting characters but the main characters were able to keep you entertained all the time. i almost wish that i had picked up the book instead of sophie's world but i'm sure i'll pick it up sometime in the future when i have another spare $13 in my pocket. n.n; definately recommended for the lovers of romantic comedies that can handle an accent. n.n memorable moment - bridget gets caught trying to cover up a telephone conversation with a friend by her boss, and it slowly spells out in subtitles... 'fuuuuuuuuuuuck.' renee is so good at facial expressions. n.n

last. this. it speaks for itself. that's about all the commentary it's worth. ja.

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this snowflake fell saturday 04212001 01:02am...
...and is about movies and tv

going along with michi's blog entry, i shall put my little review for the debut (de-boo, not day-byuu. n.-), as well as other stuff. i enjoyed the film a lot. it held true to a lot of different aspects of filipinos, from the view of a young filipino-american to the older generations that immigrated over from the philippines. in a way, i kind of felt i was watching can't hardly wait or clueless, where you can sit there and laugh at all the jokes or understand the characters anger/sadness/joy because they hold true to what you've seen and experienced in life. dante basco's did a really good with his character as well as the rest of the cast. collectively, the movie did a really excellent job of recreating the life of a filipino-american. definate thumbs up. now if only flipside would come back to theatres already. unfortunately, it looks like they want to 'tour' it a little bit more before actually releasing it to theatres. to me, it looks like a mesh of kevin smith's clerks and filipino life. i really can't wait. XD check out the clips on the page, they're so~ worth it! *sigh* i really wish that i had learned more about my own culture... sure i learned a little of filipino dance, kali/escrima and a bit of history...but i still feel uneducated. i've never even set foot in the philippines yet. i probably have a lot more relatives that i've never met over there. oh well, someday i'll make it over there. n.n

let's see...next would be spy kids. this was -not- my choice. n.n; but it was my dad's b-day and they wanted a family movie thing (josie and the pussycats was out for some reason. n.n;), so spy kids it was. and actually it's not too bad. it -is- written, produced, edited and directed by robert 'el mariachi/desperado' rodriguez. not to mention he did some of the music too. n.n; the whole floop show thing was kinda demented imho but other than that, i was fairly satisfied. action held up, special effects were good and a couple of the spy gizmos were neat. n.n i was hoping there would be a little more hand to hand combat since that's been the theme in a lot of movies these days but then i remembered, spys really aren't supposed to 'engage' with the enemy unless the situation calls for it. n.n; that and the kids really didn't have that much of a background as far as martial arts so i guess i'll be happy with what i got, seeing as how i didn't pay for the ticket. n.n; best line from the movie - 'o~h shit-take mushroom...'

moving on once again, time for a couple of tv show reviews and comments. guess i'll start with the toonami cartoon network line up. sailor moon - i couldn't help but think...that the new chibiusa/reeni dub voice sounds a bit like wendy's from southpark. it just does. it's frightening, but it does. tenchi muyo/tenchi in tokyo - when i heard about -another- tv series for this series, i have to admit, i wasn't really expecting a lot out of it. especially when i saw the character designs and what-not. but i finally sat down through an episode and found that it wasn't too bad. it was kind of like when i watched an episode of saber marionette j to x. sure the animation quality dropped a lot, but i was drawn in by the story. i had no idea until now that at some point, ryoko decided to return to being a space pirate during the series. o.o although, i might go to the trouble of getting it subtitled even though the us voices aren't that unbearable, and it's at the middle end of it's run already. last for the toonami line up, big o - everything i heard about this series is true. n.n; giant robo/steam detectives with batman animated art. i've seen scattered episodes of it but i find it very enjoyable. one of the best combonations of japanese/american animation i've seen that still has anime-like qualities. i -really- hope they get enough money to do the 2nd half of the series because the point they leave you at is just...infuriating. n.n; it's almost like berserk all over again. x.x that ending was just soo~ unsatisfying. if you're gonna start a series...finish it! do it for the fans, man! n.n; last on the review board, cardcaptors. i'm sorry...it -hurt- to watch this. no more than a minute would go by before i had to scream in agony at something, usually the voices. both sah-koo~-rah (sakura, is it so hard to say?!) and...argh...my fingers are refusing to type that name...m... m... madison. >.< ARGH! tomoyo! gah! i can't STAND the name madison for her! i'm sorry, i can't! anyways, the voices casted for them sound wa~y to old. they're supposed to be in elementary school for pete's sake, not junior high! and oh gawd...i'm sorry, kero-chan might have the attitude but he's still supposed to sound CUTE. at least in his fake form! the old rough new york thing just DOES NOT WORK! and i only had to hear the name julian ONCE to fall over. and he didn't sound uke enough either. needless to say, i was -not- happy with the card captor sakura dub. then again, i knew that was how it was going to turn out as soon as i saw the catch you catch me opening was replaced by some cg stuff. *sigh* they turned a once sugary series into...bleh! at least i can still somewhat hope in the dvds...

and now for something off topic, as you could've guessed, i wasn't exactly chipper during the last post but things have smoothed out for the most part, and probably for the best. i can't necessarily say i'm happy but...i can see the necessity in things having to turn out this way. *hugs* thanks eric and michi for cheering me up a little. i have to say that on the drive over, i found myself getting choked up a couple of times...but you guys really helped. daisuki desu~! n.n

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this snowflake fell thursday 04192001 02:23 a.m....
...and is about something...

the following will make no sense but know that they all somewhat reflect what's going on...

tsumetai kaze ga mado o nagasu no samishii yoru
kogoeru mune atatametakute
ripurei ano natsu o
namiuchigiwa de odokeru anata tanoshisou yo
hutari dake no omoide no video
hitori de nagamete iru no

sukoshi terenagara suki da yo to
tsubuyaiteru
usotsuki no anata no kao namida iro de
Nijindeku

anata setsunai yo gomen ne konna ni
ima mo omoi wo nokoshiteru
hutari no subete wa kono hikari no naka naraba
mada maki-modoseru no ano hi ni

ryoute ippai no omoide o shinjite ita
kurikaeshite kazoeru kedo
koyubi kara susumenai no

anata soba ni ite soshite uso da yo to
itte kokoro wo dakishimete
hutari no subete ga kiete shimau nara
ima sugu ni maki modoshitai ano hi ni

anata setsunai yo gomen ne konna ni
ima mo omoi wo nokoshiteru
hutari no subete ga kiete shimau nara
ima sugu ni maki modoshitai ano hi ni

- ano hi ni / video girl ai

"I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum."
"Lower. The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum. On the other hand, thank you for loving me that much, that way. It's pretty flattering."
"Except it makes me fungus."

- confession 2 / my best friend's wedding

"I will remember you as being sad, I am utterly convinced that you are sad."
"There is nothing that you can ever say that won't be sad. You look sad, you sound sad, your gigs are sad, your dad's sad, where you live is sad."
"The trains that you'd have to get from there to London to see for yourself how gorgeous and wicked I am are sad."
"Your DJ name is sad, your email address is sad, your new website will be sad, your slogan thing is sad, your name is sad."
"When you go to the dentist's they refuse to do anything for you until you sort it out."
"Randomly delivered dogshit automatically finds its way onto your sad shoe and then onto your sad pillowcase when you jump onto your sad bed to sadly listen to your sad uplifting saddery."
"Herb you score is sad. When they collect your glass in a pub they look at it sadly and throw it out because it's gone sad. When you won that spicy 100K sachet in the packet of crisps you sent it in but it got lost in the post."
"Right now you don't know which way round to do it - have a cry, then come up on a wank, or have a wank then come down with a cry."
"Don't even look at me."
"Tsk."

- A Not-so-sad tosser (original site)

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this snowflake fell tuesday 04172001 04:30am...
...and is about a response to robin

** warning - this is a full response to a blog i read recently. it concerns only one person so if you're looking for greener pastures, it would be best to skip this entry. **

so i was steered to your blog, which up until now, i actually did not know was still active. i could've sworn some time ago you said that you weren't using anymore because you didn't think it helped any but oh well. don't read if i'm in a good mood. well it doesn't matter either way because it probably wouldn't have helped if i was in a bad or suicidal mood now would it have? i'm sorry to disappoint you but it has put me in a less than pleasant and polite mood, so forgive me if i flare out a few times. i will try to make an effort to control myself but i make no promises. for starters, a place to sleep. you know i have no problem with that, then again, this isn't my house. and since i'm currently jobless myself, i can't say that asking for such a favor will be fruitful from my direction but regardless, you are free to try. moving on... i'm not even sure where i should begin since your blog seems to incorporate every single thing about me because obviously you just seem to dissect me that well. i like how you're being confrontational yet not being accusing. yes that was sarcasm. you say you're not accusing me and yet you seem to believe all the problems originate from me. am i wrong? honestly, i don't think you're -that- sorry for putting this out there because you knew i'd get to it eventually and of course respond. you had to have been counting on this. and as for my silence at the whole borders deal, i told you, i didn't know what to say. i know you were pissed off beyond fucking belief. it's hard to say anything to someone at that point because by then, shit like i'm sorry isn't magic anymore. it doesn't just make all the shit disappear. and for fucks sake, i was sorry! but you know what, i didn't think you would believe me, so i figured i'd just let you have at it and bitch me out. i'm sorry if that was misinterpretted as me blowing you off. i'm sorry that i left you up at the university for xyz amount of time when it was freezing cold. you know what though, i still fucking came. i still went there every single fucking time. even that last time when i knew you were going to be pissed. i didn't fucking know the housing place was going to close at 4. had i known, i might've said 'hey look guys, i'd really love to chat with you but robin really needs to get somewhere before 4. bye.' sure, it probably should've been that way from the get go but sorry...i guess i'm just an irresponsible, selfish fuck wanting to talk to some people. i'm sorry i can't revolutionize my entire world and lifestyle in a second for you. i'm sorry you feel that things are still the same after the shit at borders and in the car. i'm sorry i can't fit into the image of your stepmom and sara and other friends from la. i'm sorry that i can't any longer sit in a car with you and talk about bullshit because there just isn't that much to me. i'm sorry it looks like i'm just a hopeless case and that there's no solution to the problem of me. i'm sorry i attempt to sugar coat my life by pushing away shit that makes me insane with sadness. i'm sorry that i'm the only friend you can't just sit and chit-chat with. i'm sorry that you feel you have to force something out of me because at the time i don't have anything to say. i'm sorry i've lied to you, even though the examples you chose make no sense. and as for that stupid tower thing, how the fuck is that a lie? that's just my idiotic logic saying i only spent 98 cent because it was a $20 gift card (and at no time did i say it was $28), subtract 20 from 40, which is 20 again, so i was just being stupid and saying i was paying 98. it probably still doesn't make anymore sense but who gives a flying fuck? other than yourself obviously. and the fanime thing, i don't know what you're talking about as far as lying there. but for the image thing, i just really fucking wanted to know if you wanted to go or not! jesus, that's all! must i have an alterior motive for EVERY FUCKING WORD THAT COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH?! you didn't seem to have an interest in anime anymore since everytime i did try to show you something new, you were just like 'whatever'. so fuck, i was just wanting to make sure that you wanted to go to something that was BASED on watching anime. can i not be considerate without you trying derive some sadistic plan out of it?! i'm sure it's such a farfetched idea!! that and i was honestly worried that you would just saunter away as you have on a couple of occasions when i invited you to hang out with my circle of friends. i'm sorry you seem to think we're a bunch of japanese/video game obsessed geeks. and i'm sorry if i like to think happy thoughts! i'm sorry that i liked to do shit as minimal as watch anime or work on webpages when you're around. i'm sorry that you feel i've fallen out with the ilr crew even though i -do- message people every once in a while to say what's up. i'm sorry if i don't know if i can change to meet the minimal standards to maintain our friendship. i don't know what the fuck else to say... i'm just fatigued really. i want to be your friend robin. i honestly do. but i just don't know about this who ideal me you're waiting and hoping for. i'm me. i'm not sara. i'm not casey. i'm not richard. i'm not fernando. i'm fucking -me-. i care about the friendship. do you know how fucking relieved and happy i was when i saw that you and val could get along together? do you know how much that was a weight off my shoulders? i don't know...i know i'm not the best example of a friend but...i don't know. you say you're not sure how much you can handle, well neither do i. guess i failed at keeping my temper in check to.

melted at tuesday 04172001 05:39am...
...while realizing i should've been asleep hours ago. dammit.

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