pure snow pure heart ano hi
mou sukoshi no yuuki ga areba
samui kisetsu no seito
tobikonde iketa hazu
demo nazeka dekinakatta

pure snow pure heart kimi to
naitari shita koto mo kuyamanai
wakari kitta tsuyogari
kizuite kureru koto wo
itsu made mo matteru

- me, a name i call myself -

who? alana(lohalani) renee salom

when? may 31st

where? midcoast california

what? pinay (filipino), hawaiian, spanish

age? 20 (but I have the mentality of an 18 year old still)

job? officially, price spice or whatever the heck they want me to do @ office max. eww! nothing like that you pervert! *smack*

free time? making bad webpages, dj-ing badly, watching anime and/or movies, dee dee are, raves, chatting on irc/efnet and aim

form of caffeine? mountain dew, red bull + sobe power = taurcrack

v.i.p? my kirei, Val of course n.n

- currently obsessed... -

anime? love hina, gate keepers, trigun, digi charat

manga? love hina, angel sanctuary, flame of recca

movie? groove, human traffic, fantasia 2000

game? dance dance revolution (any mix), bust a move 2 - dance summit 2000, love hina dreamcast, jet grind radio

3d bishounen? takeshi kaneshiro, alex to, roy cheung

2d bishounen? aogiri yuuhi (ayashi no ceres), xelloss metallium (slayers next/try), shinomori aoshi (rurouni kenshin)

3d grrlz? natalie portman, helen hunt, meg ryan, kelly chen

2d grrlz? konno mitsune (love hina), kaolla suu (love hina), mad hatter (angel sanctuary)

djs? john digweed, ferry corsten, donald glaude, dave ralph

trance? heaven scent - bedrock, sandstorm - darude, 20 minutes of disco glory - dj garth, don't call me baby - madison avenue

other music? 12 volt sex, bowling for soup, no doubt, hamasaki ayumi, sakamoto maaya/kanno yoko

clothing? kik wear/girl, caffeine, old navy, hot topic, gap, mr. rags

coplay possibilities? kaolla suu (love hina), mad hatter (angel sanctuary), hikura kazuhi (megami kouhosei)

- other (in)sanities -

mayoi omoi - michi my oneesama who is usually subject to my whining/ranting

copacetic - emi ms. yaoi no miko herself

illegible scribbles - steph my partner in mahou shoujo obsession crime

nonsequitor thoughts - tanzy she has a real name...we chose to ignore it for the most part

basic black - puuie umm...look out, she bites?

ecchibi - kristi the snoozing lump on the floor in the yaoi room at acen

mental static - juri the famous photographer who captured the essence of the psycho bunny killer

thea - thea whose new place i still need to visit

ecchi pitas - yuuhi my favorite toy for h-gnawing

fudo muyo - dom one of the new additions to my 'must torture' list

- i want to get off this ride -

hinata sou




connection lost

easily distracted



fushigi yuugi


"Life is kinda like a snowglobe... Everything is fine and at peace inside of one... until some friggin' shmuck comes along and shakes it all up! ...but in the end, everything turns out to be even more beautiful than before..."
- hi-mi-tsu!

- archive -

12032K >> 12092K
12112K >> 12222K
it is? saturday 01062001 01:42am :: i am? comme ci comme ca

so~ i didn't get bitched out at work today per se... rather they just pulled me into the main office and said they did have to write me up for not coming in and calling to 'okay' it. if this ever happens again, then i'm up for termination, blah blah blah. i dunno...i'm not all that torn up about it as you can tell. : even if they had bitched me out, i probably would've felt the same 'eh'ness about it all. fuck, i was just tired as hell, still am, thus i don't really care. i should('ve) be(en) thinking about moving on from the retail slut jobs i've been taking on but that's where my comfort zone is. who knows...maybe i'm getting to that point where i need a 'change of scenery' seeing as how i've been at office max for a lil' over a year now... but of course, that probably wouldn't be a smart idea seeing as how valentine's day, multiple b-days and cons are coming up soon, i probably wouldn't feel comfortable quitting unless i had a sweet job all lined up beforehand. *yawn* we'll see who gets sick of who or office max. n.n; good grief...i can't believe my mom let me drink sake tonight during dinner... not just like a little sip either...i'm talking 3 shots, which still isn't much as far as quantity but when you're still underage and with a parent, that's like a gold mine of alkie. o.o i didn't even -ask- for it either. x.x; we~ird. then again, out of my mom, dave (the bf) and myself, of course, i was the only one who really knew how to go about ordering it and all. y'know, heated or cool, whether it's better savor it or just down it, etc. ah well, i'm just happy i didn't get buzzed or anything from those shots because i hadn't eaten much before the first 2. i was still able to play Extreme Bop-It coherently after we got home! food was good too. i should call up chad or janelle to see when they want to meet up with aniki and i... i know she's in town for a while but still, it can go by pretty fast. we'll see. rrgh...i hope i don't get carried away with this check. i shelled out quite a bit today as it is...i think maybe i should just hold out until my next check to do any more leisure shopping... yeah right. n.n; blues are always a drag. i wonder if life where a 24/7 party, would we look upon work and being on task as a release from that? i dunno...all i know is that i wish i could find some way to spend more time with Val. oog...i don't even know for sure if we'll be able to meet up on valentine's day... i'd hate to have to wait til fanime but...that's just how it might turn out to be. rar...i still need to prereg for fanime and find a room. everyone's situations are so different from how they usually are... it kinda sucks but i think the ties we originally had to each other are weakening...but it's not like that can't be fixed. n.n in fact, that's what we're going for this sunday. man...i think the last time we had a big get together outside of cons was when everyone came here. friggin' bizzare... *sigh* i long for the carefree days of smushing too many people into my small ass room just to play video games and watch anime... somehow even though things weren't always the smoothest...those days are still cherished... to succumb to sleep or not... i really should so that i can get back on schedule. n.n; my sleep schedule always goes haywire when i visit vegas and/or cons. mou~...didn't get to talk to Val tonight... wonder what she got up to... ah well, tomorrow is another day and another chance. sorry i couldn't stay up to talk to you should you come on and read my blog, kirei. my loverly jello. n.-;; or maybe creme brulee pocky. o.o ah well, until then space cowboy. n.n v

ended at? saturday 01062001 :: while? listening to armin van buuren - boundaries of imagination, which i'm proud of spreading throughout the #fy crowd! XD

it is? friday 01052001 01:22am :: i am? caught up with sleep but... good it feels to sleep in until 5pm after long drives home from wonderful trips... too bad i was scheduled for a 8am-5pm shift today. n.n;; mmm...i can't wait to face that loverly wrath tomorrow. didn't really do much except sleep and kinda clean/unpack today. o~h...watched the new trigun dvd i got. *.* mucho development...must have next dvd. i also decided that i must find 20 minutes of disco glory by dj garth & e.t.i. on vinyl. argh...this is so not good. i'm turning into a vinyl freak like my aniki. :P i bet he'd be so proud/horrified/thrilled about it. n.n; rrgh...i need something better to carry and/or store all these records... cardboard boxes are just not doing it for me. milk crates are looking good at this point seeing as how actual cases are 'spe~nsive. just. need. something! n.n; this log is so all over the place since i don't have any real one thing to talk about. i'm just typing whatever is coming to me. growing vinyl addiction. i wonder if it will shadow my anime collection? *gasp* i dunno...i think i still love anime too much to let it go. n.n now that the holidays are all over with, i think my dad thinks i'm due for that 'talk' now. ee~k...kowa~i. oh well, whatever he says, i'll at least listen to him, and he'll probably do the same. i love it when i see a movie again and it makes so much more sense that second or whatever time around. like the kevin smith movie clerks. i watched it my freshman year in hs...when i wasn't working yet. then i started hollywood video to boot. oh my lord did that movie ever make more sense to me. it's the same with movies like groove and human traffic. i had seen both before i had even set foot in the rave scene or touched any drugs past over the counter stuff. well okay, i had touched weed before but only to hold it for a friend. :P anyways, now that i watch them over again, they totally click. they made sense before but now it's just like...'omfg!! that's so right on!' just to let you know, both movie are avaible to rent on video. muwahahaha! anyways, i should sleep so that i'm able to get up for work tomorrow. maybe then i'll have something more central to bitch about. nice one brotha!

ended at? friday 01052001 02:23am :: while? listening to the loverly mix stylin' of ferry corsten on trance nation 1

it is? thursday 01042001 02:24am :: i am? back from my 6 day vacation

my goodness it's been a while since i've blogged. ah well how was everyone's new year/millenium/start of another day? we~ll, mine was quite wonderful. as mentioned before, i took a trip to vegas to spend it with val. the drive there was pretty good considering i left like around 5 or so. took a different route than before, going down 101 instead of 5. ergh...the only thing that erked me was this one car i was trying to pass. i wanted to go like 90 and they were stuck at like 80-85 but everytime i tried to pass them (on a 2 lane highway) they would speed up. so finally i just said 'fuck it' and probably did the stupidest and risky thing and chanced it anyways with another car coming from the opposite direction. it was pretty damn close, i had to practically cut the asshole off, and the fucker actually high beamed me for it. on top of that, i was starting to come down with a cold. dayquil gelcaps helped with at least getting me there but the next day, i was pretty floored due to a fever and everything. bu~t sleeping that entire day, a lot of sunny delight florida style oj and a couple of doses of the ever lovely tasting green nyquil *gaghack* fixed all that. new years eve during the day, we didn't really do much at all. i think that was devoted more or less to playing jet grind/set radio. n.n; but later around like 5 or so, dan dragged us out of the house to go watch the fireworks that were gonna go off all up and down the strip. but first we had to make a couple of stops, one of which was to krispy kreme and i finally got to have a fresh one! *.* okay, everyone is right. they really -do- melt in your mouth. =D~ but anyways, instead of dealing with the insane sea of people and drunkards right on the strip, we camped out on the parking structure of palace station across the way from the strip, which had a really good view actually. when the fireworks did go off, we could see almost all of them but imho the ones coming from sahara were the best. the fact that it looked like the stardust and other hotels were on fire from the smoke was pretty entertaining too. *chuckle* a~nyhoo, i'm sure some are wondering if val and i kissed at midnight... unfortunately the answer is no but i don't really mind much. you'll find out why later. n.n after that, we stopped for a quick bite then went back to val's and kinda just hung out. i was more or less parked at the turntables listening to my records for the night. n.n; the next day lucinda came over (while i was still passed out cuz we ended up sleeping around like 6am or so) and we went to caesar's palace to shop a lil'. i found my extreme bop it there! =D huzzah! now i can drive anyone and everyone insane with it! tee hee... i showed lucinda digi charat and as predicted, she thought it was pretty awesome (which it is >D ) because it's just as insane as akazukin cha cha. o/~ sekai de ichiba~n...kagayaku made! hold me baby! uki-uki lady! o/~ *ahem* anyways, then the next day, we picked up kevin from the airport...after finding out that his flight came in like an hour early. n.n; it took a lil' bit of time but eventually we found him and were off. but not before some hella rude girl came over while i was playing with my bop it and said "that thing can turn off right?" i was just like 'what the fuck?' and felt like playing it like 50 friggin' billion more times just to piss her off more but i didn't because it was too early in the morning and i was sleep deprived as hell. after dropping off the luggage, we head off to shop at old navy but not before visiting the fox 5 studio where val's dad works. ohmigulay, i was just like gawking the entire time we were looking around the editing suites and what not. *.* there were so many neat little 'toys' in there, man... i still wouldn't mind taking an editing class to learn how to really use all that equipment but getting back to the day... so we go to old navy, get a pair of pants and a vest, mosey over to the mall, where i get even more clothes and the new trigun. oh, did you know that bank of america does -not- allow you to make deposits outside of the state where you opened your account? how fuckin' lame is that? = it just doesn't make much sense to me at all... but yeah n.n; after that we rented toy story 2 and titan a.e. because various people hadn't seen them, and i don't mind watching both of them again because they both rule. n.n that night i was having trouble falling asleep. i was definately tired enough but i just kept on thinking too much about val and i and my parents. i dunno...i guess i'm just still kinda freaked about them knowing and all. but's because of something i wasn't really too sure of until today. it's was the fact that, i could tell my mom how i felt for sure about val and i...but i couldn't really speak for sure for val. i know i've probably mentioned this like a billion other times in my past blogs but i still get scared when i can't really tell what val is thinking or feeling and what not. which is only natural i suppose but...i don't know. i guess like leyla said in the movie groove... "i want to commit to something without fear." deep down though, i know i don't think i really do need to worry about val wanting to leave me or anything like that. at least not right now. geez i'm so insecure that i drive myself and the next 5 people i talk to insane with it. n.n;; no, but this time around, the goodbye's went as they should have. me, being the totally puppy dog one in the relationship, was all sad about having to leave and all. i hugged her so~ much...i really can't help it. it just feels so right and good to hold her in my arms. i wish i could always be there to just have that. just that makes me so happy... of course, the goodbye -kiss- made me even more happy even though it caught me totally off guard and took a few blinks to register. i swear, i must've had either a shit-eatin' grin or a glow to me the entire ride back home because of that. n.n *boingits around* genki genki! *sigh* i love you val.

after that was just the lo~ng drive home, which was a lot more fun since lucinda was with me. i've never really had the chance to talk to her one on one about anything so it was a really good opportunity. i feel a lot more comfortable talking with her now. after dropping her off at berkeley, came home, unloaded the car and plopped in front of the computer. that was my vacation. n.n mind you, it was a lot more fun than i probably made it sound. i'm just too lazy and tired to go into great detail about it now. and now is the time for alana to sleep. z.z

ended at? thursday 01042001 04:55am :: while? listening to 20 minutes of disco glory off the groove dvd. thank you arisu! *hugs*

p.s. aniki, i'm glad to hear you had a good time at tao. and i'm eternally greatful for lending me the money to make my trip to vegas. *gives you 'the nod'*noogies* n.n

it is? wednesday 12272000 12:32am :: i am? crouching itachi hidden kitsune >)

as you can guess, yes i did go to see Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon today. sankyuu aniki for the ticket! *.* dude...why the hell did ang lee wait til now to do an hk martial arts like film? this totally rocked! i was amazed by almost every aspect of the movie save for maybe the story seeing as how a lot of it got cut out but i kinda expected that. but yeah, definately a must-see-and-don't-blink-or-else-you-miss-a-lot movie! b n.n d <= 2 thumbs up! mmm...what else, another gift to add to the list. n.n my buddy julian got me various cds, 2 of them sasha/digweed, 187 (breakbeats) and icey (jungle). i'm too tired and lazy to listen to them now but i will tomorrow. whee! rrgh...i need to find an extreme bop it! i don't want the normal one or that retarded looking top it. >.< they just won't do! but none of the toy related places here carry it. bah...i don't want to end up having to order it online. that's ghetto! :P i can't believe i take off for vegas in 3 days! i can't wait to cuddle and hug with val. n.n sure, half of the time she'll be at work but oh's still time with her. still no word about the whole thing from my parents. i dunno...maybe they're waiting until after i get back because they know i'll probably talk to val about it while i'm there. *shrug* too tired to care right now. with that, i shall end this. z.z must sleep because a repeat of coming into work hr late is usually seen as a 'bad thing' n.n;;

ended at? wednesday 12272000 01:07am :: while? being too lazy to put on music to list. n.n; feh!

it is? monday 12252000 11:50pm :: i am? comme i comme a

well i bet anyone who read the entry before this one has got to be wonder solidity my brain is in compared to like...jello. thankfully, xmas went on without a hitch other than me not waking up in time to get to my aunt's for breakfast at 9. morning was a bit odd just because i wasn't sure how to really interact with my mom due to the change in comfort level (at least for myself). but it smoothed out and things went on just like any other day. my dad (if he was told about the events of last night) was kind enough not to make any implications of wanting to talk about except for when i was leaving to come back home. there was kind of a tone to how he said 'we'll talk later.'... hell the phrase alone is pretty obvious but *shrug* i'm just happy that it wasn't brought up. got lotsa neat stuff for xmas seeing as how i wasn't really -dying- to get anything this year. i'm more concerned about having enough money for vegas but unfortunately there was no $ in the xmas cards this year. ;.; oh well, i shall manage somehow. ugh...i'm so not ready to drive over there. i need to change the right headlight of the car, need to get over to the dmv to complete my car registration, need to pack, need to figure out just how i'm going to transport all of the turntable equipment should i really want to. i dunno, at this point i'm thinking of not but...we'll see. but yeah, i just want to let you guys know that i'm okay for the most part now. i mean, it really isn't the type of thing that should really make a difference in my usual daily grind/routine so~...i'll just grin and bear it. *hugs* to everyone that cares about me. this really was just a right cross to the kisser for me and it's nice to know that i have a group of good friends that do really worry about me. arigatou nakama-tachi~. ;.;

gift list for arana as of now (still need to meet up with friends n.n;) - casual leather jacket, spiffy blue nike jacket, tarzan snowglobe (ha ha), good luck bracelet, $20 gift certificate for tower records, mononoke hime dvd, fools rush in dvd, hawaiian print seat covers/seatbelt pads, perfume/lotion set of 'shi', tigger ornament, meg/pegasus from hercules ornament, express gray-blue turtleneck sweater, leather shoes, sentimental photo collage of my dad and i at disneyland, various candy/cookies/popcorn (yes, popcorn), fantasia 2000 (my poor bro, he didn't know i already had the anthology so~ i told him to get me either the soundtrack for it or gift certificate for solid grooves. n.n;)

ended at? tuesday 12262000 12:42am :: while? nothing again. i'm about to go to bed. n.n; oyasumi~ z.z

it is? monday 12252000 03:36am :: i am? shaken snowglobe

first of all, merry christmas to you, the reader. i truly hope that this holiday brings you joy and happiness amongst family and friends.

** warning - up ahead is probably just going to be a bunch of jibberish due to the amount of straight up confusion and stress this is putting on me. i will attempt for it to make sense as humanly possible.

my snowglobe was at peace...until now...

so~ my xmas eve starts out decently enough. wake up a lil' earlier than i wanted to to spend the day with my mom, bro and bro's girlfriend. things go well, go to eat some really good dim sum at restaurant on borderline cupertino/sunnyvale called the crab station, watch the family man at the saratoga amc, go back to bro's to open presents since him and his gf are leaving for oregon tomorrow, then head home. get home around 7, kinda settle down and what-not, mom decides to finally ask 'what are you doing for new years?' to which i respond 'oh, i'm going to vegas with friends.' at this point, there's a slight pause before my mom says she was to talk to me about something. now, call it fate, destiny, coincidence, karma, whatever...but i knew was about val. i had to stop myself from laughing out of the sheer irony of the situation seeing as how only 4 days ago...i had that discussion with lucinda about how to deal with this whole thing with parents. i have this talent/curse for almost immediately forgetting any 'bad' things that have been said or done to me, so this is where things will start to sound a bit fragmented. basically, the story goes like this: about a month ago, my mom was at home and i was off at work or something, and her computer wasn't operating properly. so she figures, what the heck, i'll just use alana's. i have a bad habit of leaving open any aim chat window i have with val up for most of the time, sentimental reasons. i usually did a good job of shrinking down that window just in case my mom used the computer.

i forgot this time.

so that cat is very much out of the bag. my mom found out and immediately informed my dad. for some reason, my mom felt it necessary to disclose her discovery with me...on fucking xmas eve. i can somewhat understand but still...why? wtf is my snowglobe being violently shaken on a holiday?! oh well...too late to reverse that. so basically, we talk about it, she tries to derive the reasons behind me wanting to try such a lifestyle, from it being a 'phase' to past boyfriend probelms. i simply stated, it is none of those things or probably anything else you can think of. i'm just honestly attracted and interested in val in that way. there's no traumatic experience that 'pushed' me into this lifestyle nor any outside influence. of course she brings up the issue of how the bible and society looks upon it, and that she's worried about that. then she starts to build more on the whole 'phase' things, saying stuff like 'none of your past relationships with boys ever worked out because when you're that young, you go out with people for reasons like peer pressure, image' and how like capricious my relationships were, even the one with florian, which i guess i can kinda see, compared to like my bro's or her own relationships that last like 3-4 years. i don't really remember much other than that but...basically it boiled down to this.

mom: i am not ashamed, i'm not embarassed, i still and will always love you and pray for your happiness but...this is not something i feel comfortable with under my roof. my concerns are just that of a parent worried about their child and the harsh results that may come from such a decision.

me: okay, i understand and appreciate your concerns but...this is my decision. maybe you're right and this is a phase and val and i should remain just as friends but...i can't possibly know that until something happens hat tells us both loud and clear that, this just won't do. i'm honestly not 100% sure how serious we are about continuing on this relationship for now, this is what i want. she is important to me and she makes me happy in a way that i just haven't been in a really long time. i don't expect you guys to just bow out and except it because i know that's just not how you work. i hope that one day, should this become a serious thing, that you're able to understand my decision to the point where your can accept, be comfortable and perhaps even be happy for me.

so i think that more or less encapsulates the current situation. i have yet to talk to my father concerning the matter but...i would hope that he will allow me sometime to at least recover from today enough to enjoy my xmas. i have a slight feeling that my dad will be a little more undeerstanding on the matter, though not anymore accepting of the idea...but more my decision and standing by it. he's always been one to tell me to decide for yourself...while thinking of the effects it will have upon you and those around you. honestly, i think i am a bit spoiled with the #fy crew, since most people there don't mind and/or support val and i. fuck...i don't know. my snowglobe has been shaken so much...i feel like i'm trapped in a continuous blizzard. nothing is clear to me accept for the fact that i don't want to give up val. at this point, i'm not willing to do that. i would hate to see it come to something as drastic as that but...although i doubt it will happen, i should at least somewhat prepare for it. i'm so confused and now feel like there's this huge blanket of discomfort, smothering me and my parents. i love my parents both very much and i wish i could always love and honor them as i should but...i'm just not willing to give up one of the most beautiful things in my life. i'm sorry... fuck, i need to sleep. i can't believe i walked a mile, up hill to UC Santa Cruz dorms. gotta be the most crazy thing i've done in a while. *sigh* someone give me the strength to make it through tomorrow....

ended at? monday 1225200 04:28am :: while? doing nothing. i think this is enough.