(email) Alana
(irc) Mitsune Misao Lobelia
(aim) MitsuneK Yumuura Kirika
(aim/ilr) dj mpu
(ro) Sizer Lobelia Carlini Ariyoshi Juna Jubilee Kirisawa Fuuko Xelas Kou Shun'n

OSH register jockey
in the santa cruz area
aspire to DJ in my own club
reading Dark Journey of Star Wars: New Jedi Order
playing NWN and Yahoo! Go

Azumanga Daioh
Hikaru no Go
Yuki Kajiura music (Noir, Aquarian Age, .hack//sign)
massinova project
mein zorn und angst CD

move on
tell me a fable
snowglobe archives

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i thought the lyrics from the song Remember Me This Way by Jordan Hill and the story of the series Mahoromatic went well with each other, and dammit Mahoro is so damn cute, i have to have a layout with her in it.

think back on Thursday, August 15, 2002 01:42 p.m. and remember to reach for the lasers, safe as fuck


*phew* okay so yeah, got the photons i won off ebay today and yes, they are pretty and sparkly and omg *DROOL* *.* err sorry, yeah i'm just so happy i finally got them because when they first came out with this model, they were like $60. EACH. so getting two was out of the question for most. >.< but now a year later, i got both of them for half the price of one w/ s&h. XD JOY. RAPTURE. speaking of rapture, i hope iio's live performance isn't too crowded. i would love to hear rapture live. *.* mmkay, off to muck!

think back on Wednesday, August 14, 2002 01:07 a.m. and remember the horror, oh the horror

aye vey... okay, so Maria Tachibana used to be my absolute favorite Sakura Taisen character, and after the tv series it was Kanzaki Sumire, then after playing more of ST3 it was Lobelia Carlini. now i still love Maria...which is why it was a bit of a shock when i came upon a certain doujishi cover. here's a log of reactions.

[Lobelia] i think steph would have a heart attack if she saw this.
[Lobelia] and not a good heart attack. n.n;
[HarusSICK] o.o
* Lobelia patpats eddo
[Lobelia] write steph. makes sure you're seated in a secure position, women and children out of the room and emergency medical crew on site before viewing this.
[HarusSICK] x_X;;
[HarusSICK] why did I click...
[Lobelia] write even katsu is warning you. o.o; -Katsuragi- The sheepy does not approve!
[Eddo] write steph. this is papa. brace yerself before you view that pic.
[kami-neko] O_O
[Lobelia] nevermind...
* kami-neko fears
[Lobelia] steph. i'll just say. i warned you. n.n;
[kami-neko] will it make me cry? o_o
[Lobelia] that is all.
[Lobelia] ummmm.
[Lobelia] maybe?
[kami-neko] >.>
[kami-neko] <.<
[kami-neko] _
[Lobelia] it'll at least make you say 'oh my god', possibly coddle the screen, etc. o.o;
... (x 5)
[kami-neko] actually it looks like good art ^^
[Lobelia] you're just not used to seeing Maria as a gimp?
[kami-neko] ohohohohohoho

that was kinda fun. on random notes, mostly for other people -- [cat] how is kaa-chan supposed to comment on your blog when you have it set to only lj users? >.< -- [kyo], please email the Natsumi/Miyuki and Lina pics to me if you got time. must start on that girl/girl photo collection. n.n; -- [michi] good fight last night! you killed me just as much as i got you, if not more. now we just have to learn how to coordinate to take down kyo w/o either of us dying in the process. n.n;; -- [val] be sure to email me your flight times and what-not asap. and btw, have anything in mind that you want to do after cyberfest? i was thinking maybe museum of modern art, see if any good shows are at sj/sf performing arts places and like stay in movie/coddle night but couldn't really thing of much else. n.n; ideas, input goo~d.

oh and one more thing. NINJAS WITH GUNS!!! ESPECIALLY DESERT EAGLE .50s!!! XD so want to play that game just for ridiculous factor. and also want spiffy ninja chick from Onimusha 2, neat caffeine pants and Speed Racer shirt. XD

think back on Saturday, August 10, 2002 02:35 a.m. and remember the strange noises in the summer heat

if anyone happened to wonder where i was the past couple of days, i was down in sunnyvale since i had 2 days off in a row. seeing as i finally have a car and have it all insured and shat now, it'll be nice to be able to visit more often. had much fun even though it was very ass hot down in the valley ( says, "96 but feels like 91," while arana says, "bullshit, it's 96 and it feels like AT LEAST 96 if not MORE.").

:: wednesday night :: after packing in a hurry, burning some anime to cd and tossing stuff into car, headed over the hill, in hopes i could make it in time to fry's to get LotR. that day's experiment...failed. so i decided to head to tower to see if they had it for cheap and oi vey, they had it for 22.99...i decided no. =P but they did have a record i was interested in (Taking Over Space - George Acosta which i heard on his AM cd) so i got that and what i thought was a different remix of Ghost but turned out to be the same one i had already. >.< on the way there, we had a REALLY big scare as we drove by a police truck on an intersection, it decided to bust out it's lights and siren right when the passenger car window was aligned with it. needless to say, there was a collective 'OH SHIT!!!' from everyone in the car, then relief when it didn't follow us. n.n; quite strange because we saw like 10 patrol vehicles just to and from tower. o.o; that was the most i had ever seen on that stretch of road in my life. eh whatever. was creepy but as long as i didn't get busted for anything, huzzah! n.n;

:: thursday :: after much delaying due to lawn mower issues and such, managed to get/threaten johannes and divon out to go to nihonmachi, with a small side trip to oakland to pick up kyo. ugh. 880 was horrific that day but we somehow made it through, even though the car was making some REALLY weird rattling like noise every time i accelerated or braked around 50-55mph. i really don't know wtf it is but it freaks me out and am definately gonna bring it back to the shop when i'm over there next (IF i make it all the way over there @.@;). got to j-towne and browsed in mikado a bit before heading to kino, where they thankfully had Saikano 4 but unfortunately didn't have 7 yet. but they did have a random manga i had been looking at in SJ kino a couple of days before called Nighting + Night by Mizuto Aqua. i haven't been able to really sit down and read it yet (surprising since it actually has furigana, thus it makes it all the more easy to do so, unlike Saikano...), but so far, i'm merely entertained by the fact that it has a rock that levels up and plays the bgm when it does, and has a sheepy. i swear, i'll read it later and actually say what it's about later. n.n; also got a wallet since i actually have reason to use one again. after that, michi showed up to have dinner at izumiya, dessert at sophie's then after loitering to conversate, we went our seperate ways. thankfully, car didn't make scary sound while driving back to SC. mystery ya.

:: friday :: after catching up on sleep, lazed around the house in the heat for a bit before showering up to run some errands after kyo showed up. returned Ghost record to get money back, dropped by ninja market for snacks and some inari wraps for a coworker, to fry's to get LotR (15.99!! w00t! yeah i know about the uber edition in nov but i just want to oggle Legolas. o.o; i'll let someone get it for a xmas gift for me or something. n.n;) then final stop at ranch 99 to find men's pocky for same coworker, which i was sad that i could find any (nor at ninja). we could only come to the conclusion that it's been discontinued or just wasn't shipped out. o.o; after that, went back to the house to oogle Legolas-sama...which we did so well that poor johannes just wanted Legolas to DIE to see us shatter. n.n; feh...he hasn't seen our true fangrrlism. o.o after that, grabbed a quick bite at mcd's before showing michi Sen to Chihiro, which did weird her out some, but didn't scare her as much as the kodama in Mononoke Hime did. poor No Face-kun is so misunderstood. ;.; packed, left and while i was driving uphill on 17, the car did make the rattling noise a bit. >.< rrgh, annoying. must have it looked at before car goes boom again.

think back on Saturday, August 3, 2002 06:08 p.m. and remember grrlz grrlz grrlz

'I'm getting there. I don't suck, but I've got a ways to go.' Not too bad, but you can do better. Keep working on it- maybe try kicking a few guys wherever you want to, then start lighting them on fire. Slow and steady wins the race, okay? You've got a long way to go, but I think you'll survive.

No! Isn't that awesome? Yay you! You've won the quiz and will be just fine as your tough woman self.

oh and michi, i also got 19 out of 20 boobs right. huzzah! =P

think back on Saturday, August 3, 2002 01:46 a.m. and remember evil will always triumph because good is dumb

...and boy do i get sparkly every time the Resident Evil movie triumphs over me. *.* not that it takes much really. Milla Jovovich put it best in the making of... 'you get to see me in a wet mini dress...c'mon, what more could you ask of Resident Evil?' XD

god this movie 0wnz me. i just cannot measure the 0wn4g3 it deals me. i just REALLY love the movie as it is. kind of, no, exactly the way i love the Escaflowne tv series the way it is. it's just so well put together into this nice package that doesn't try to be anything more or less than what it is. every little piece and effort just comes together to form it. the music, the actors, the characters, the zombie effects, the action, the atmosphere, the story, the directing. as in my previous entry for RE, the only thing i would've changed was gore factor, which was a little lacking imho, especially during the laser room scene, but even that doesn't drag the movie down at all.

i -really- hope they at least make some sort of attempt to follow up on the very begging-to-make-a-sequel open ending. it's extremely possible and probably in demand. if not, then i'll make it. XD until then, i will just continue to hug and love and stroke and pet my new Resident Evil DVD lovingly called george. *.*

i will also continue to pine over Hybrid, Tiesto, Sasha AND Digweed all coming to the bay area when i've already purchased my tickets for Cyberfest. ...B00TCHES! WHY MUST YOU ALL ASSAULT THE BAY AREA AT THE SAME TIME WHEN I AM ALL BUT PENNILESS?! T.T *sniffsniff*

think back on Friday, August 2, 2002 10:22 a.m. and remember i'm the last action dream hero

i swear, i need one of those dream recorder things from the final fantasy movie. my dreams are always so fun to watch because they're usually very action oriented and play out like a movie. last night's dream was just this huge melting pot of bits and pieces of movies i've seen: lord of the rings (i think in the 'end' it was the ring causing trouble), last action hero, back to the future, star wars (i had leia and jedi knights in my dream! damn all those new jedi order books i've been reading. n.n;) and i think at one point is saw a couple of fushigi yuugi characters as well. i had a handful of cameos: tom cruise, paul bettany, breckin meyer, carrie fisher, steve buscemi etc. i wish i could retell my dream but i have such a bad time recalling them no matter how cool they were. ;.;

think back on Friday, August 2, 2002 12:33 a.m. and remember shall we shat now or shat later baby?

so michi 'n kyo came over again to be h0'd more on HnG, and when we got to the point where touya is playing sai over the internet and is shocked...that he was really shatting/shitting himself. so the word of the day was shat, and there's always a lot of shatting going down in HnG since it's so melodramatic. n.n;

i took them to the train place deli, which is exactly what it sounds like. a sandwich place that has a huge toy train set up around the tables. we accidently chose a table where the actual trains didn't come by close but eh, who cares. i think we were too hungry at that point. n.n; afterwards, we went to baskin robbins to get some ice cream and a root beer float...and we did. addition to the random Lilo & Stitch chocolate/mint ice cream cake i honed in on as soon as we walked through the door. n.n; so now kyo has the Stitch toy, i have the jiggly Lilo toy and to call us morons for getting the cake. n.n; and the palm trees and surfboard keychain. but we all know she was just jealous because Nani wasn't on the cake. XD

and for the curious...

Whats Your Sexual Personality?
this quiz was made by Val

i'm a pest but i guess i'm not a perv. actively at least. n.n;

...and unfortunately, back to the genki nai shat i was talking about in my last entry. i hate to mix it in with such a fun entry but these are just things i don't want to forget, which i'm very capable of because i know i tend to forget a lot of negative things that happen to me, or least the specifics of it. i don't want to do a huge paragraph thing tho so i'll just be listing off shat, and of course whiting it out again for those who want to skip over it.

the things i never knew about my family's past (as told by my mother):

- my dad was overly jealous, controlling and possessive of my mom to the point where he wouldn't allow her to go out with friends, just with his sister or if my brother was with her
- when my dad found letters from my mom's coworker who had a thing for her, he moved in with another woman
- even after my dad came back, he continued to see this woman until my mom decided to have an abortion (what would've been my 2nd older sibling)

i guess that pretty much sums up most of it. i mean, there were things i was retold that still kinda shock me, like my grandmother (mom's side) asking my dad on her deathbed not to divorce my mom. which is why it was -years- before it happened, and was initiated by my mom. i guess the whole story from my mom's side really skewed things about my dad. i never knew about -any- of the possessive behavior or moving in with another woman. to be honest, i do idolize my dad a lot. i think i've always been more of a daddy's girl than anything, even though when my parents split up (for the 2nd...or is it 3rd time), i chose to stay with my mom. it's just strange i guess after building up this image of him, to have old photographs dropped at my feet like a tabloid. i guess i can't and shouldn't judge him by those past actions since he is a lot better now. i'm sure that sounds unfair and like favoritism since i still kind of hold things against my mom but...i dunno, it's just different somehow. *sigh* ugh whatever, i just want to do my same ol' gemini routine and stuff it away until some angsty rainy day comes along. just call me a procrastinator on an emotional and responsibility level. ~.~;

think back on Wednesday, July 31, 2002 01:32 a.m. and remember unhappiness was when i was young, we didn't give a damn - part 1

some of you might recognize the title of this entry as lyrics from the Cranberries song Ode to my Family, and most of this entry will deal with just that. my family. i'm sure i've told people bits and pieces about my past, at least the bits and pieces that i knew and could remember. i think it factors a lot into who i am now, and the reactions and things i do. i'm sure i can come off as very nonchalant and somewhat indifferent when it comes to key emotional moments, and to some degree, i know it to be true. i know i can shut off my emotions like a switch when i want to and be really callous, and i hate that i do it afterwards because usually, it means that the subject -is- very important to me, but i just can't find a way to deal with it directly. *sigh* it's either that, or i just try to dance around the subject by joking around, or just completely blocking it out of my memory, thus also never truly confronting the issue.

anyways, i guess this is a little insight into that, though i do feel it somewhat private and is probably something that i shouldn't speak of in such a 'public' place but what have i really got to lose from doing so? either way, i just want to get this stuff off my chest because it's been there for a couple of days already, and i think i'm ready to let it all out. read it, don't read, in either case, i will be semi-whiting out this entry so you'll have to highlight it in order to read it w/o straining your eyes too much if you care to read it at all. i'm sure you can tell but this will be a load of genki nai.

so what started out as a counceling session with my mom about my car, ended up being a very dramatic discussion about my family's past, like back before i was born stuff.

first, she went into something which surprisingly still had me fighting back tears, even after what...6, no 7 years now. it's something that i'm sure i'll never forget, and honestly, i don't know if i can ever really completely forgive or trust my mom after it. to make a long story short, it had been a few years since my parents had seperated. not divored, -seperated-. and while things seemed okay, i knew that my mom was not happy with her life and that the stress of taking care of both my brother and i was a heavy weight upon her. so...occasionally, when i did something wrong, it gave her an opportunity to 'relieve' some of that stress. well, the last time she ever did that, i had had enough of it, especially since that time, i didn't deserve any type of punishment she gave me that day. i had gone out with friends ice skating and one of them had a problem she really needed to talk about. so i stayed and talked with her about it, which unfortunately, made me about 15 minutes late to meet up with my mom at the mall entrance. when i finally left and got into the car, i had just shut the car door and was turning around to start explaining why i was late...when my mom's hand connect with my face. hard enough to draw blood. it didn't get much better on the drive home either. constant stream of screaming, yanking of hair, etc. etc. i don't even remember what the hell happened when i got home really but that's probably due to me blocking it out. that's when i decide, enough is enough. i had been talking to one of my other friends about running away from home so finally, it was done. honestly, i don't know how long or far i would've gotten if i had kept running but i guess the fact remains that i didn't. i moved in with my dad and pretty much refused to speak to my mom for a while. it was a while before i even allowed her to see me really. when i went to get my stuff, it was at times i knew she wasn't there. my brother kept apologizing for not noticing, not being there for me because he had pretty much isolated himself from my mom at that point as well. it was probably the most life altering moments in my young life.

and now, 7 years later, 5 days ago, my mom finally apologized for that day. it had never occured to me, that she hadn't apologized for it until now. you would've thought that she'd try to do it soon after i came back from running away. maybe she did and i just can't remember or i choose not to remember...because i think at that time, i was happy that she knew that she was wrong. i was happy that she was suffering. i was happy that she was trying to get me to forgive her and move back in with her. 'this is what you did to me, and this is what you get now.' i was only 14 or 15 then. i was stupid and immature and just wanted revenge for the wrongs done to me those years. hell, maybe i still do. maybe that's why i've never completely reopened myself up to my mom ever again, even now. truth is, i don't really know, and maybe i don't even care anymore. that wrong of me?

anyways, time to pass out. work tomorrow but will continue this tomorrow.

oh, saw Goldmember today and h0'd kyo 'n michi on Hikaru no Go today. twas mucho fun. hopefully, will be able to h0 them more on thursday.

think back on Saturday, July 27, 2002 09:38 p.m. and remember the things that go bump bump bump bump in the night

4th annual metropolis 2002 @ 3com/candlestick park in sf 07202002:

whee~! and stuff yeah. n.n; sorry to be writing about it so late but eh, better later than never. o.o; as far as music, the metrodome (main room) and the sector 2 (cali zone) were both bumpin' big time. the house room was a bit disappointing just on the simple fact that nor donald glaude or terry mullan made an appearance. house is fun and all but can get extremely repetative if the person on the decks doesn't mix up the style enough and build up the beats. i think we only hit the room like once or twice the entire night. d'n'b/rap room...uh yeah. went it, went right back out. n.n; there were three other areas i think that we didn't really venture to, one being the 21+ area but i don't think we really missed -that- much.

stayed over in oakland so it would be easier to get to and from the rave rather than sv. after getting all snazzed up (red/black kitten baby-t, gray/red caffeine pants, black/red spiderman visor, kitty ears and polar fleece pullover in case of cold ass SF weather) and fed, we got there around 8 or so. sure, it started at 3 but eh...can only take so many opening acts. n.n;

got there and did a quick round of all the rooms. i tried to get in touch with people i thought i could meet up with but alas, no success. we picked out a meeting place in case we got split up then headed over to the main room...

...where jonathan ojeda was spinning. i've never heard this buy spin before, live or on cd, but whoo~ it didn't take me too long to get into his set at all. XD i really liked the songs he was throwing out and would've danced a lot more if i had the room to. n.n; i'll have to keep an eye out for cds if he (has) put(s) any out. well, seeing as i was getting into my groove, i needed stuff to wave around so i...

...went out to hunt either some glowsticks or decent photons down since they threw out the glowsticks i was planning to bring in with me at security check. ;.; but it was almost better that way because a lot of the booths were selling photons for $8-10! not cheapsy ones you had to keep manually pressing to keep the light on, but that came with permanent on/off switches too! they had just the plain one colored ones, dual colored and strobe. i got the dual colored blue/yellow one, then later (after she got over her fear of giving lightshows XD) cat got red/blue ones. i wish i had more money that night to get a second pair but it's all good since i just got the ribbon effect one's off ebay. =9 after i was all set to get my lightshow one, i headed back to the tent and...

...deepsky took the stage! w00t! their live pa was AWESOME. i remember when i saw orbital live, i thought it was the shit but omg, deepsky totally had it goin' on for me. they were really into the performance on their keyboards and drum set. jen was really impressed that they were making the music right in front of her as well. it was pretty much her first live pa. after a while though, it started to get a lil' crowded and stuffy from all the people lighting up and just plain ol' body heat so we decided to...

...mosey on over to sector 2 for a while since mars was spinning (*pokes michi*pokepoke*). as usual, he was spinning much lovely etardy, clubby trance goodness...which means the tent was PACKED LIKE SARDINES. ugh i swear, coolworld never takes into account how many people actually like Mars/Mystre and such. we tried to stay in there as long as we could but jen had to bounce, and i didn't really want to leave her alone too long so we met back up with her not too long after. by that time... was time for bt's dj set! =O but before that, i HAD to buy jen prism glasses because i know she loves to go to raves for the lasers if nothing else. XD so i gave them to her, had her put them on, turned to cat and said 'go ahead, give her a light show.' 'anything?' 'anything.' 'okay. *swirlspin*' OMG! O.O;;; ...i swear, never giving that girl e. will be all over the lights like no tomorrow. n.n; yeah, she enjoyed her gift and i'm happy. i swear the rate of her smiling grew a lot after i gave 'em to her. n.n wai wai~! i like making raves even better for people! XD

so getting back to bt, OMG! that boy can spin! i don't see why he waited so long to go for it! he had good music lined up and was constantly calling out to the audience. and oh man, when i heard dreaming start to roll in, i was like 'YES! I HAVE THIS ON VINYL! XD'. unfortunately, since it's a song i know well, i heard the small mistakes he made, one leading pretty much to the other. nothing too noticable unless 1) you know the song, 2) you're ear is trained to hear it or 3) both. n.n; but yeah, really dug his set, and truly hope he continues to dip into DJing more often. hopefully at shows here on the west coast. n.n but unexpectedly...

...i 'ditched' the remainder of the bt's set because 1) i wanted to see if the girls would actually implement the meeting spot if i split up from them for a while and 2) ...DORAN. have always wanted to see doran live after i heard his electronic daisy carnival cd, and i was so not let down. *.* i really wish i coulda heard his set from the get go but foo~ ;.; what i did get to hear was swee~t and it wasn't too crowded like before but by then i was kinda too tired to dance a lot anyways. or i hadn't danced enough to keep my adrenaline up or something like that. o.o;

i listened to rest of his set before heading to the meeting spot, where i found the girls waiting as they should. a~h i was so prou~d. T.T 9 <- *fist of pride* we decided to go back to sector 2 to get any last spurts of dance energy we had left, least me and cat because we ended up giving like 5 or so tagteam lightshows within the span of 15-20 minutes. @.@; needless to say, our arms were damn limp after that so we decided to pack it up a lil early (1:30ish) to avoid traffic and such.

overall, i had a good time, though i really wish something could've been done about the small spaces, especially with all the epuddles and lack of actual oxygen circulation. i think coolworld really needs to get it in their head that they need to stop trying to throw 'massives' with tents and actually start renting halls of some sort. you'd think they had the money to but rumor has it that they're actually being sued for not paying certain sponsors. *giku!* =/

oh well, a lesson learned i guess. there's always cyberfest which is coming up next month and coolworld usually does a good job of finding decent spacious places to hold their massive. also, this time, might go/hook up with people from work since they were a bit irked i went to metropolis and didn't inform them. feh, i didn't know they wanted to go dammit! n.n; for those who i put on the evite for cyberfest, if you haven't rsvp'd, DO IT ALREADY DAMMIT! RAR! looking forward to it, especially with my soon to be new photons! XD

there it be folks, me rave report. i wanted to talk about some other stuff but alas, it'll have to wait since i have work tomorrow. >.< mata ashita~

think back on Thursday, July 25, 2002 09:18 a.m. and remember one of the most crappy ways to wake up

so i was fine and all, just sleeping, dreaming, y'know the drill...when all of a sudden my nose just starts bleeding. while i'm sleeping. i wasn't having a erotic dream or anything and didn't feel overheated but my body decided to have one anyways. and of course, i didn't actually wake up until i realized that something was indeed dripping down my face and onto the pillow. >.< suck suck sucks. oh well, will try to go back to sleep with toilet paper shoved up my nose just in case. oh, and yes i will blog about Metropolis probably later tonight. i've just been too tired/lazy/whatever to do it until now.